We think foolish things, for we are known enimies to ourselves...
Nothing's clean. Walking the streets in a dress, lacking under-garments, won't welcome the "Movie & Dinner" types. Stained wife-beaters, ripped jeans, off-brand shoes, and sweat pour. This is a cleaner representation, then the scum beneath. I can feel the dirt stick to my skin, while quickening my pace to out-run its smell. Hell rests in the shadows of cities.
Time doesn't stop. That is a fact not to be changed. But, in the mind, time [in a better word, moments] can be frozen, erased, rewond, sped up, or changed. 'T's why everybody's got their own version to a simple event. Better not to ask, in my opinion. All questions lead to more bullshit, and more bullshit, well that just leaves you more fucked, now doesn't it?
Keep your mouth shut, and your eyes wide; Let the picture take you over, let the show of life begin. Now, if you're watching, you can see the characters more defined. Even, down to their feet, an act. So..? Find the theatre, enjoy the show, for you don't have to go to the Opera, to see a dramatic display. It's the world that plays the song singing in your ears, therefore it's the world that you should be paying attention to... And, listen closely.... Or, you just might miss them when they play the finale...
Friday, May 8, 2009
05.05.09
Ashes fall to grey dust.
Day is coming to...
Turning onto landslides;
These problems aren't something new.
Clouded conscious covers...
Each moment is left behind.
You're simple, yet so sudden.
We are still obliged.
Can you still remember,
The nights we spent till dawn?
When chaos was this beauty...
Our innocense slowly gone.
Talking as to listen;
Innuendos and inside jokes.
When I see you in good time,
Will you still seem to know?
Much was left unspoken.
Always thinking, "I should've said,"
Though, times can't be repeated.
And on, the mind lingers to pretend...
Years burdened, and therefore buried.
Wounds full of salt, not meant to mend.
The heart feels the pain we carry.
While, the worries were beset on the head.
Looking on is hard when stuck retracing.
Never wanted to be your mistake.
Taking on, all that changed in waking,
Made cracks strain till their break.
Trapped inside these re-runs,
Countless seconds shed off dry.
Even, if I could remember,
The reasons for, have lost their pride...
Memories are but shadows...
Which ones should we have kept?
Recalling everything that's been done,
Worse things were all but left.
Sure, our best times can't be abandoned,
But, their ends were like a wreck.
If simplicity can be taken forgranted,
What do I have in the end?
Specs of white fall into lines,
Then, lift un through endless tunnels.
Close watch kept for the eyes.
An intake not so subtle.
Narrowed down, to vastly colors.
Turn your gaze back to the whites.
Spinning tops tilt till exposure.
Black walls of Ocean Tides.
Consume to be consumed.
Taste to feed this hunger.
Secrete in every room,
Keep moving further under.
Day is coming to...
Turning onto landslides;
These problems aren't something new.
Clouded conscious covers...
Each moment is left behind.
You're simple, yet so sudden.
We are still obliged.
Can you still remember,
The nights we spent till dawn?
When chaos was this beauty...
Our innocense slowly gone.
Talking as to listen;
Innuendos and inside jokes.
When I see you in good time,
Will you still seem to know?
Much was left unspoken.
Always thinking, "I should've said,"
Though, times can't be repeated.
And on, the mind lingers to pretend...
Years burdened, and therefore buried.
Wounds full of salt, not meant to mend.
The heart feels the pain we carry.
While, the worries were beset on the head.
Looking on is hard when stuck retracing.
Never wanted to be your mistake.
Taking on, all that changed in waking,
Made cracks strain till their break.
Trapped inside these re-runs,
Countless seconds shed off dry.
Even, if I could remember,
The reasons for, have lost their pride...
Memories are but shadows...
Which ones should we have kept?
Recalling everything that's been done,
Worse things were all but left.
Sure, our best times can't be abandoned,
But, their ends were like a wreck.
If simplicity can be taken forgranted,
What do I have in the end?
Specs of white fall into lines,
Then, lift un through endless tunnels.
Close watch kept for the eyes.
An intake not so subtle.
Narrowed down, to vastly colors.
Turn your gaze back to the whites.
Spinning tops tilt till exposure.
Black walls of Ocean Tides.
Consume to be consumed.
Taste to feed this hunger.
Secrete in every room,
Keep moving further under.
05.04.09
Please, don't move those lips!
We're all better off if you'd just swallow your tongue.
Conclusion to these myths...
Every lie you've spun will come undone.
People conversing...
The lines they've rehearsed,
Are gonna reel you in.
There's no reversing...
When minds are made up,
Filled with rumors, where's the end?
Speak like it's the truth...
So, I can fall for it this time.
Tell me what's the use...
If we're all wrapped up in fabrications,
Who's any closer a friend?
Stop playing your games...
You're all but fuel onto flames.
How is it you can't say...
A single word to mean anything, to anyone?
We're all better off if you'd just swallow your tongue.
Conclusion to these myths...
Every lie you've spun will come undone.
People conversing...
The lines they've rehearsed,
Are gonna reel you in.
There's no reversing...
When minds are made up,
Filled with rumors, where's the end?
Speak like it's the truth...
So, I can fall for it this time.
Tell me what's the use...
If we're all wrapped up in fabrications,
Who's any closer a friend?
Stop playing your games...
You're all but fuel onto flames.
How is it you can't say...
A single word to mean anything, to anyone?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
05.03.09
I'm afraid to sleep, again.
Freightened of the turns and twists that lie ahead.
Will you be my friend or enemy?
I guess, we'll just have to see...
Fade to dream...
Painted masques on abstract figures.
Dance the waltz; Sway each way.
The ballroom spins as the floor drops.
Where's the translator to tell it's meaning?
The band plays on... The conductor's leaving...
The image blurs as the scene's changed.
I'm out in the ocean, alone I float.
There's no ship for rescue.
Wake me up.
I can't keep sleeping.
These scenarios are various creations,
Of thetta waves made to decieve.
Though, is reality better than this?
Take a guess...
Freightened of the turns and twists that lie ahead.
Will you be my friend or enemy?
I guess, we'll just have to see...
Fade to dream...
Painted masques on abstract figures.
Dance the waltz; Sway each way.
The ballroom spins as the floor drops.
Where's the translator to tell it's meaning?
The band plays on... The conductor's leaving...
The image blurs as the scene's changed.
I'm out in the ocean, alone I float.
There's no ship for rescue.
Wake me up.
I can't keep sleeping.
These scenarios are various creations,
Of thetta waves made to decieve.
Though, is reality better than this?
Take a guess...
Saturday, May 2, 2009
05.02.09
He's like a voice inside my head. The more I try to extract him, the louder he becomes. A drug I've always needed, and would do anything to taste. Can a person be an addiction? Or, do I create him in my mind to be so..? Whatever the reason, he controls all of me. Without his presence, even. Junkie antics make a foolish mess of me. If only I could shut him up... But, how do you silence what's not there? His demands screaming; Ringing through my head, and I act wrecklessly in result. Though the man, who's voice I hear, is more than unaware of the fire that he left burning through my veins. I see him everywhere. Paranoid, I feel him watching my every move, and half of me hopes he's truly there. Our hate is love. The more he hurts me, the more I long to be his prey. Maybe, I'm just sick and need more help then I'll ever admit to. Yet, I want to believe he'll love the same, and the more that I surrender to him, the more he craves to take me over. I've never felt so sick for touch, or so crushed by words. It doesn't fade and I doubt it ever will... I, therefore, am forever lost.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
04.28.09
I only turned my back on the world
So, I wouldn't have to look you in the face.
Can you still make a sound tounge-tied?
With lips closed, many chances are missed.
While words said can't be taken back.
We close them, again...
Days were longer when you were missed
If you were a highway, I'd take the backroads...
So, I wouldn't have to look you in the face.
Can you still make a sound tounge-tied?
With lips closed, many chances are missed.
While words said can't be taken back.
We close them, again...
Days were longer when you were missed
If you were a highway, I'd take the backroads...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
04.26.09 Continued
Currently:Watching: Planet of the Apes
Eating: Cherry Turn-Overs
Drinking: Water [Yuck!]
Texting: DJ Willis
Location: The Apartment
Smoking: Pall Mall Blue
Reading: The Back Of My Hand
Planning: On Relaxing Tonight
After stressful days and nights trying to make sure I'll find a roof to have over my head, I've finally found a place to call home. It's odd how a person, with so much drive and maturity, can get sucked down into a rut and be surrounded by lazy and disrespectful people, who take all that is given to them for granted...I hate the saying, "God only gives you what he knows you can handle" or whatever, cause it's bullshit... If a person is stronger and sharper, why must they be put through more hell... Does that make one any better? Idk... I doubt it though...Within just a few days, I already have my belongings moved, a job set-up, and have it arranged to move into a bigger 2 Bedroom apartment... Fuck, if I was 18 I would just get my own place, pay my bills, and be alot happier living by myself... People disgust and annoy me for some reason... I hate having room-mates... Idk why, I just prefer to be alone...I've given up all hope on successful relationships, as well... No matter what it doesn't work out, and typically for some "bullshit" reason... People need to grow up and make up their minds before they act and speak... It just fucks people over when you're careless...My family's become like strangers; I hardly recognize their faces... They're just people I once knew, that have long since faded... My sisters don't even realize who or how I am, nor does my father or mother... and I don't even know how to relate to my little sister Cara... My mom's brainwashed her so much she's just fucked...It's sad... But, I don't feel like I really ever had a family to lose... It gets to me though, every now and then, when I let my conscious glide...As for myself, I'm a bit more lost then I ever thought... I change too much, from person to person. It's like I morph to fit the scene. Not one person knows all sides... And, I don't like not having a person who can understand me or read me. It's freightening when you don't know yourself, or how you're going to be from day to day. I wish I just had a constant, but that whouldn't be me :/ Whatever me is...
Eating: Cherry Turn-Overs
Drinking: Water [Yuck!]
Texting: DJ Willis
Location: The Apartment
Smoking: Pall Mall Blue
Reading: The Back Of My Hand
Planning: On Relaxing Tonight
After stressful days and nights trying to make sure I'll find a roof to have over my head, I've finally found a place to call home. It's odd how a person, with so much drive and maturity, can get sucked down into a rut and be surrounded by lazy and disrespectful people, who take all that is given to them for granted...I hate the saying, "God only gives you what he knows you can handle" or whatever, cause it's bullshit... If a person is stronger and sharper, why must they be put through more hell... Does that make one any better? Idk... I doubt it though...Within just a few days, I already have my belongings moved, a job set-up, and have it arranged to move into a bigger 2 Bedroom apartment... Fuck, if I was 18 I would just get my own place, pay my bills, and be alot happier living by myself... People disgust and annoy me for some reason... I hate having room-mates... Idk why, I just prefer to be alone...I've given up all hope on successful relationships, as well... No matter what it doesn't work out, and typically for some "bullshit" reason... People need to grow up and make up their minds before they act and speak... It just fucks people over when you're careless...My family's become like strangers; I hardly recognize their faces... They're just people I once knew, that have long since faded... My sisters don't even realize who or how I am, nor does my father or mother... and I don't even know how to relate to my little sister Cara... My mom's brainwashed her so much she's just fucked...It's sad... But, I don't feel like I really ever had a family to lose... It gets to me though, every now and then, when I let my conscious glide...As for myself, I'm a bit more lost then I ever thought... I change too much, from person to person. It's like I morph to fit the scene. Not one person knows all sides... And, I don't like not having a person who can understand me or read me. It's freightening when you don't know yourself, or how you're going to be from day to day. I wish I just had a constant, but that whouldn't be me :/ Whatever me is...
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